We are All Wired the Same

Yesterday I came across a video about a book that read about a year ago, called Don’t Split the Difference by Chriss Voss, where he was pointing out the commonalities of human beings, as we are wired almost all in the same manner.

Guilherme Oliveira

10/22/20236 min read

3 Distinct Types

If you watch the interview (check references) or if you read the book, you will see that there generally exist three types of people which are “ the bad, the mad, and the sad” of negotiators. We can translate it to charismatic leaders, criminals, and people who are looking for identity.

  • Charismatic leaders: They may believe in the cause or they may believe in themselves.

  • Criminals: They are involved just because is a way to combat the status quote and continue to commit crimes.

  • People Looking for Identity: They are the inadequate followers, the sad, they are looking for an identity and the leadership convinced them that they’ve been harmed by this perceived loss and they need to make up for it.

The Same Principles

These people are in general found in any society, in any country or language, the context and the storytelling between them will vary, in a sense that each individual will have his or her own unique history, but they are all guided by the same principles.

Weird Fact

Between thousands of different techniques and approaches on how to protect hostages one time, Chriss Voss's supervisor at some point said that telling the kidnappers (that they were all sociopaths literally head-shopper’s people) that the mom of the hostage was concerned about the hostage's wellbeing. And it worked! Had a profound impact on the bad guy!

Mom Effect

When they told the kidnapper about the hostage's mom's concerns, the guy reacted instantly: do you guys tell their mom? Are you crazy? And the response was: They won't get hurt anymore from now on. After the fact, the entire police team was astonished, at how a sociopath reacted to such mundane information?!


They studied this fact and applied it in several different situations and it would work between 80-85% of the time! Even bad people have moms, and in their childhood, they were nurtured by their mom at some point, and it was so deeply rooted in them, that they could not ignore that information.

Power of Family

You can see that a simple but important process of the mom nurturing their baby will impact the life of a person for literally the rest of their lives. Impacting in a way that we can not envision. We do not know the history of a bad person, but at some point in their lives, they were pure and innocent, looking for love and to be heard.

Put in a Corner

People when put in a corner, may possibly attack or try to hide, understand that as living beings, we have this instinct to survive, we do not want to die, and if needed we will do “bad things”. May look sad, but as a species, we must do it to keep living. We have not always lived in abundance, and scarcity and famine change our body's physiology in survival mode, overwriting possible core values of a “good” human being.

Core Values

That’s where we have the power to impact people. The family value on a child’s life is one of the most important steps to giving them the opportunity to see the world as it is and act according to good core values.

Not Everyone has this Gift

As much as we forget that people are different, we tend to see the world as we are, as we perceive things, fundamentally as we see the world. Some people get in the wrong place due to thousands of different paths in their lives, but I truly believe that a strong family is a family that can pass on good core values to their children, explaining how to act in difficult times.

We are not Prepared for Everything

Even good families may succumb in the face of undealt threats, because, we are simply, humans, and we do our best, but sometimes things outside our control happen and it sucks, I know, believe me, but we must TRY to be prepared at least.

Minimizing Through Teaching

I truly believe that our actions talk more than our words, I do try to “walk the talk” which demands a lot of energy and conscious decisions every single day, and avoiding situations that put my core beliefs in check is the easiest way to keep moving in life.

How Core Beliefs are Formed

We usually say that 50% of core beliefs are genetic/family and 50% are based on experience with the world. What for me is fantastic, can you see how important is the family? The family is normally the only social life of a child for years, maybe close to 18 despite a few extra new friends added to the equation.

Family and Home

The child's home and experiences will be taken into their entire lives. Since that time they have been nurtured through fun activities outside the house. Every single aspect is shaping them in ways that we do not even realize.

Community Helps to Shape People

The place and the way you live have such an impact on someone’s life that it can be rooted in their life forever, even after things go sideways and they become kidnappers!! Now imagine if you can provide such a good environment and lessons to your loved ones that they will be capable of putting themselves in better positions in the future. It is not about giving the best, is about teaching them how to choose the best.

Place the Loved ones in a Good Place

Check our post “Community and Fulfillment: We are Smart but not often Wise” to deeper into this idea, where choosing the right place will help you shape your family based on your core values. Finding the right place is a BIG portion of this equation.

Finding the Right Place

You can read our post “Total Attention Before Buying” which will guide you through the process of understanding your needs when it comes to land location, if you need extra help you can always contact us at 346-440-2424 or check some options on our website at www.lookforlots.com, I hope you have enjoyed this idea.

[1]: Oliveira, Guilherme. “Total Attention Before Buying” Lookforlots blog, 10/20/2023https://www.lookforlots.com/total-attention-before-buying

[2]: Oliveira, Guilherme. “Community and Fulfillment: We are Smart but not often Wise” Lookforlots blog, 10/09/2023, https://lookforlots.com/community-and-fulfillment-we-are-smart-but-not-often-wise-copy.

[3]: “Master the ART OF NEGOTIATION and WIN Any Exchange | Chris Voss” YouTube uploaded by Tom Bilyeu (Mar 1, 2022), https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TllU5IXAP40&t=4070s.